| i've been having a slew of bad dreams lately- nightly really, for over a week now. not nightmares, but troubling nonetheless. i never quite remember the dreams, but i have the sense of a disturbance and the memory of dark colors or of anxiety. i dreamed my adviser was yelling at me. i dreamed that i was 12 and got lost with my best friend somewhere at night. i dreamed a friend of mine lost her baby in delivery, and then i found her dead in a room, but later found her alive (that also messed with me because i "woke up" twice in that dream before i actually woke up). i dreamed that i choked on pills, and after i was able to swallow them realized i shouldn't have taken them.
i wake up thinking about things or people i haven't thought of in a long time. i feel like my brain is cataloging my memories and my anxieties in one location, leaving me with this jigsaw cloud of confusion when i wake up in the morning.
it's weird and disturbing and i'd like it to stop.
Edit: i was really hoping that by writing about my dreams, i'd stop having them. last night it was earthquakes and wandering around a dusty western town look for my parents' neighbors, and there being no rhyme or reason to the traffic patterns. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| i changed the breaks on my bike today, all by myself. i find immense satisfaction that i didn't need Dave's help with it. (oh, and they work.) there's something wrong with the chain and/or back gear wheels, so I WD40-ed the hell out of the chain and gears and am hoping that's enough to get me to and from campus until i can take it in for a check up. i'm tired of walking to campus-or rather, i need that extra hour a day back.
i also played soccer for the first time in a month and am not hurting too much. this week, i'm going to get back into my running regimine. i need to start moving again, i think my lack of activity is contributing to my inertia.
it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get moving. i'd prefer not to be the unemployed wife of a law student this fall. and i'd prefer not to be a waitress either. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| despite what ryan thinks, my awesome-ness has dissappated. maybe it's still wandering around Queens lost and looking for an awesome cannoli to tide it over until it makes it back to me.
my advisor, i can tell, is not impressed with me. she really shouldn't be. i didn't do much this week because i got bogged down with TA business and then was just tired. but neither should she be acting like i didn't give her a 23 page draft a month ago, which she could have read but never did. on the flip side, the professor i TA for is impressed with me and several students have recently told me they are glad i'm their TA again. so i figure the two cancel each other out and i'm at neutral.
anyway. it's quarter to 7 on a Friday and i'm in my office seeing if i can't finish a segment to send to my advisor, before i go home to eat something besides fruit and dairy products and then grade 85 quizzes.
tomorrow we're investigating invitations and cakes for the wedding. and then we are participating in a culinary experiment: falafel waffles and homemade pita bread. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| we were not impressed with Queens. even if we hadn't gotten lost, tried to walk too far, or got good directions to the wrong part of Flushing. the school itself is underwhelming, but then again the only law school i've seen is Cornell's and it looks like your stereotypical ivy league stone building, with turrets and vaulted ceilings. dave's favorite part was the cannoli and croissant we got in Kew Gardens Hills for $2.50. they were, i have to say, delicious. so perhaps just based on the cannoli, we liked Kew Gardens Hills and Briarwood.
Over the course of Saturday, we met a lot of people in the process of eating or asking directions who, when finding out our mission, said things like: "Queens, why do you want to move to Queens?!" One woman went so far as to say, "You don't want to go to Flushing. You should look in Astoria, it's cute, you'd like it. But Flushing? It's chaotic...a lot of Orientals there." Which was sort of true, though i would never have explained it that way. When we got off the bus on Main Street, there wasn't a word of English to be heard in the crowd or read on the store-fronts. And it was busy, busy, busy. In retrospect though, i wish i'd stopped and got bubble tea.
we walked a lot in Manhattan as well. we stayed in Midtown at a super hipster hotel i didn't quite feel cool enough to stay in...and which i didn't get much sleep in due to my light sleeper nature: those cab horns carry and echo through the high-rise canyon until the wee wee hours. we never made it to Central Park or to Columbia or Weill college which may be just as well, given the minuscule likelihood of my getting jobs there.
among things that amused me in Manhattan (and that i wished i'd taken pictures of):
a person dressed in a spider man suit wheeling a pink suitcase
a chihuahua wearing a blue hoodie with bear ears on the hood (which was up btw)
Elmo (another person in costume) hanging out by a subway stop
a bunch of women wearing bunny ears and tails, looking extremely self-conscious by an art sculpture in Astor place
we also saw a lot of weird, random, disturbing, and beautiful art at the Armory show.it was overwhelming, the sheer quantity of artists and pieces. i don't get art. i get aesthetically pleasing art or blatant metaphorical art, but other than that i think it's lost on me. and some of it, i felt, was just an artist trying to be deep or radical, as opposed to actually being those things.
and after walking a whole day in heels, my calves felt like they'd been electrocuted for the next 24 hours. i'm still wearing sneakers today, even though all i want to do is wear a dress in honor of the spring-ish weather we are enjoying.
the draw, i have to say, of moving to New York is a bit less. not sure why. perhaps practicality has set in (we spent some time looking at rent). i actually think some of it has to do with the fact that overall i paid too much for food i didn't really enjoy (with the exception of the Indian food and the pomme frittes...and the vanilla latte from the Mud truck). i wasn't crazy about most of the places we ate, and i'm convinced that we could have eaten better food for less in other parts of town (because i have). | | comments: Leave a comment |
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